Tuesday, February 17, 2004
No motivation to work. No patience. Not much interest in anything. Grrr. Perhaps thinking happy thoughts will get me out of this mood? So I'll tell a story: the story of how R and I got together. The fairly long version...so snuggle up with some popcorn and read away. Sorry if it bores you to death!
Last spring R and I ended up going on a lot of PSP road trips together. Like Beta Epsilon Founders Day, for example. And he was on my fundraising committee. So we saw each other fairly frequently. Ever heard of the Mere Exposure Effect? Haha. Well, we ended up having some IM conversations that started out casually yet managed to clock in at 2+ hours. During finals week last spring, when he was having a particularly bad day, he asked if I wanted to get lunch with him (completely platonic). Afterwards I could see he wasn't feeling better yet, so I suggested we do something else together. It ended up that I took him on a tour of my lab and Corson-Mudd, then he showed me Upson and Rhodes. An unusual way to spend an afternoon, but who says we're normal?
That summer we talked fairly often on IM. I wanted to learn HTML so that I could make a website properly, so I taught myself using a few reference books, and this site was born (or at least its precursor). I didn't conciously acknowledge it to myself, but there was a reason I wanted his approval. After each revision I'd send him the link and ask for help fixing errors. One afternoon I knew he'd be in town helping Tones with his website, so I "happened" to stop by when I knew he'd be there. I was willing to admit to myself that I wanted to see him, but wouldn't allow it to be more than a friendly thing. Looking back, it's obvious that I was in denial :P
Starting about this point you can follow the general timeline along in my archives, though the juicy details are missing there, of course :) I went to his mom's house for the 4th of July, where I met his ex-girlfriend, who was really nice and easy to get along with. It's difficult to explain why, but I think that meeting her and seeing how they were still friends improved my opinion of him? Also funny to note- both she and R's mom, upon finding out about us getting together, thought that "it was obvious from watching us on the 4th." I don't really think it was, you'll have to ask Ian for his opinion on that...maybe they were just excited that he was bringing a girl over and read into it farther than was justified? Anyway...we were the only two from Ithaca to go to Corinne's party in NH. I decided to go because I heard Liz was disappointed that not many people would be there, but hearing Ryan disappointed about being by himself was certainly a factor as well. We had a lot of time in the car together, nothing more than friendliness, but it was a good chance to get to know each other even better. Hindsight note: I later found out that he'd been checking me out on the beach and over the course of the weekend I became "datable" in his mind, though there wasn't an actual crush. Haha. I find this amusing. Why? Because I'm silly.
Summer ended, and the school year began. Both me and R were sort of depressed (see end of summer archives, I even stopped blogging around this time), though for different reasons. As a result, we began having quite personal IM conversations and confiding in each other a lot. At the PSP retreat, I finally began to admit to myself that I liked him. While most people were playing Mafia, R was in his cabin reading. I joined him and we just talked for a little while, mostly about nothing. We ended up sitting quietly by the campfire late into the night on both Friday and Saturday, staring into the flames and not saying much, but in each others' company.
After retreat weekend I was 100% sure that I liked him, and felt like I needed to do something about it, but was really confused as to what. The main problem was that I was the only one he was confiding some things to; I knew that foremost he needed a friend at that point, and if I revealed that I liked him it might make matters too complicated. So I decided to lay low for a while and consult Tessa and Jen extensively. The next weekend, while out at the bars with a bunch of PSP people (but not R, who was visiting his family), I said something along the lines of, "I've got a secret- I bet you can't get me drunk enough to tell you!" Biiiiiiiig mistake! Well, didn't reveal it, but was under interrogation all night.
Finally, on Tuesday, September 16, I couldn't keep it a secret any longer. Out on Ho Plaza, Dan was handing out quartercards for rush. Dan would be a good person to tell- a mutual friend who could keep the secret for a little while if necessary. It was pretty funny, me telling Dan. "I want to tell you my secret!" D: "Ok." C: "I'm crazy about Ryan!" (much jumping up and down and squealing ensues) Dan's advice was to be straightforward, because Ryan appreciates directness. Though he warned, "I don't know if you're really his type...he usually goes for Irish chicks." Haha.
That night after the PSP info session, I IMed him: "hey, can I come over?" So I went over, quite jittery, and sat on the corner of his bed opposite from where he was sitting. I'd rehearsed what to say on the phone with Tessa the night before, but couldn't remember a word of it. So I said (to the best of my memory):
"I know I've been acting a little secretive lately, but there were some things I didn't want to tell you yet. But the truth is, I really like you."
I wish I could have a picture of the look on his face! His eyes were as wide as saucers...hahaha. Then he was fairly quiet and said he needed a minute to comprehend that, so I filled some of the silence with additional info as to when/why, etc. After about 15 minutes of conversation on that topic, he said he needed a few days to think about it. Then we talked about totally random stuff like classes for 20 minutes, which was fairly odd but surprisingly relaxing. When the conversation slowed down I excused myself, went home, and hurriedly called Tessa and Jen to tell them the events of the evening. Then I sat in my room wigging out. Liz walked by, "Hey Cat, what's up?" But instead of giving an answer, I just started, uhh, convulsing? I finally got out, "I just came back from Ryan's, where I told him that I like him because, uh, I do." Naturally, she thought this was very interesting, so I told her the story. She never suspected a thing.
The next night R invited me to go to Shortstop Deli with him. So we went, then came back to my apartment to eat. No mention whatsoever of the previous night's conversation...I thought it was pretty weird. Thursday night he suggested over IM that we do something on Friday night "more than just hanging out, but not a date." So we decided to play pool at RPU after PSP bowling. It was a little awkward, but fun. On the car ride back to C-town we discussed "us" and decided that we'd start dating but take things slow. Then we went to Dan's and watched The Core with the Seneca guys. Bad movie, good company:)
So you could argue that our anniversary would be the 19th, when we decided to start seeing each other. But R cooked me dinner at his place on the 21st. Background info- he'd just bought a new printer/scanner. At the end of dinner, he says, "Well, I've had some time to think it over, and I'm done thinking. I like you too, and I'd like for us to get closer. (long pause) Wanna go play with my printer?" HAHAHA...such an engineer :P So yep, the 21st is our anniversary. Five months this Saturday!
Last spring R and I ended up going on a lot of PSP road trips together. Like Beta Epsilon Founders Day, for example. And he was on my fundraising committee. So we saw each other fairly frequently. Ever heard of the Mere Exposure Effect? Haha. Well, we ended up having some IM conversations that started out casually yet managed to clock in at 2+ hours. During finals week last spring, when he was having a particularly bad day, he asked if I wanted to get lunch with him (completely platonic). Afterwards I could see he wasn't feeling better yet, so I suggested we do something else together. It ended up that I took him on a tour of my lab and Corson-Mudd, then he showed me Upson and Rhodes. An unusual way to spend an afternoon, but who says we're normal?
That summer we talked fairly often on IM. I wanted to learn HTML so that I could make a website properly, so I taught myself using a few reference books, and this site was born (or at least its precursor). I didn't conciously acknowledge it to myself, but there was a reason I wanted his approval. After each revision I'd send him the link and ask for help fixing errors. One afternoon I knew he'd be in town helping Tones with his website, so I "happened" to stop by when I knew he'd be there. I was willing to admit to myself that I wanted to see him, but wouldn't allow it to be more than a friendly thing. Looking back, it's obvious that I was in denial :P
Starting about this point you can follow the general timeline along in my archives, though the juicy details are missing there, of course :) I went to his mom's house for the 4th of July, where I met his ex-girlfriend, who was really nice and easy to get along with. It's difficult to explain why, but I think that meeting her and seeing how they were still friends improved my opinion of him? Also funny to note- both she and R's mom, upon finding out about us getting together, thought that "it was obvious from watching us on the 4th." I don't really think it was, you'll have to ask Ian for his opinion on that...maybe they were just excited that he was bringing a girl over and read into it farther than was justified? Anyway...we were the only two from Ithaca to go to Corinne's party in NH. I decided to go because I heard Liz was disappointed that not many people would be there, but hearing Ryan disappointed about being by himself was certainly a factor as well. We had a lot of time in the car together, nothing more than friendliness, but it was a good chance to get to know each other even better. Hindsight note: I later found out that he'd been checking me out on the beach and over the course of the weekend I became "datable" in his mind, though there wasn't an actual crush. Haha. I find this amusing. Why? Because I'm silly.
Summer ended, and the school year began. Both me and R were sort of depressed (see end of summer archives, I even stopped blogging around this time), though for different reasons. As a result, we began having quite personal IM conversations and confiding in each other a lot. At the PSP retreat, I finally began to admit to myself that I liked him. While most people were playing Mafia, R was in his cabin reading. I joined him and we just talked for a little while, mostly about nothing. We ended up sitting quietly by the campfire late into the night on both Friday and Saturday, staring into the flames and not saying much, but in each others' company.
After retreat weekend I was 100% sure that I liked him, and felt like I needed to do something about it, but was really confused as to what. The main problem was that I was the only one he was confiding some things to; I knew that foremost he needed a friend at that point, and if I revealed that I liked him it might make matters too complicated. So I decided to lay low for a while and consult Tessa and Jen extensively. The next weekend, while out at the bars with a bunch of PSP people (but not R, who was visiting his family), I said something along the lines of, "I've got a secret- I bet you can't get me drunk enough to tell you!" Biiiiiiiig mistake! Well, didn't reveal it, but was under interrogation all night.
Finally, on Tuesday, September 16, I couldn't keep it a secret any longer. Out on Ho Plaza, Dan was handing out quartercards for rush. Dan would be a good person to tell- a mutual friend who could keep the secret for a little while if necessary. It was pretty funny, me telling Dan. "I want to tell you my secret!" D: "Ok." C: "I'm crazy about Ryan!" (much jumping up and down and squealing ensues) Dan's advice was to be straightforward, because Ryan appreciates directness. Though he warned, "I don't know if you're really his type...he usually goes for Irish chicks." Haha.
That night after the PSP info session, I IMed him: "hey, can I come over?" So I went over, quite jittery, and sat on the corner of his bed opposite from where he was sitting. I'd rehearsed what to say on the phone with Tessa the night before, but couldn't remember a word of it. So I said (to the best of my memory):
"I know I've been acting a little secretive lately, but there were some things I didn't want to tell you yet. But the truth is, I really like you."
I wish I could have a picture of the look on his face! His eyes were as wide as saucers...hahaha. Then he was fairly quiet and said he needed a minute to comprehend that, so I filled some of the silence with additional info as to when/why, etc. After about 15 minutes of conversation on that topic, he said he needed a few days to think about it. Then we talked about totally random stuff like classes for 20 minutes, which was fairly odd but surprisingly relaxing. When the conversation slowed down I excused myself, went home, and hurriedly called Tessa and Jen to tell them the events of the evening. Then I sat in my room wigging out. Liz walked by, "Hey Cat, what's up?" But instead of giving an answer, I just started, uhh, convulsing? I finally got out, "I just came back from Ryan's, where I told him that I like him because, uh, I do." Naturally, she thought this was very interesting, so I told her the story. She never suspected a thing.
The next night R invited me to go to Shortstop Deli with him. So we went, then came back to my apartment to eat. No mention whatsoever of the previous night's conversation...I thought it was pretty weird. Thursday night he suggested over IM that we do something on Friday night "more than just hanging out, but not a date." So we decided to play pool at RPU after PSP bowling. It was a little awkward, but fun. On the car ride back to C-town we discussed "us" and decided that we'd start dating but take things slow. Then we went to Dan's and watched The Core with the Seneca guys. Bad movie, good company:)
So you could argue that our anniversary would be the 19th, when we decided to start seeing each other. But R cooked me dinner at his place on the 21st. Background info- he'd just bought a new printer/scanner. At the end of dinner, he says, "Well, I've had some time to think it over, and I'm done thinking. I like you too, and I'd like for us to get closer. (long pause) Wanna go play with my printer?" HAHAHA...such an engineer :P So yep, the 21st is our anniversary. Five months this Saturday!
